When is it enough?

I am not the most perfect person. Humble I try to be, but I am not without flaw. I try to do what I can and when I do something, I try to make myself available and do as asked. I may not always know what is right or what is right now, but I know that I have a need to express what should be addressed.

I don't know what people are to expect of me. I try not to set any standard, not say I am better or worse than anyone. Some of the things that have happened I can or cannot change. I am who I am. But there are things that keep happening that I try not to have at me.

A while back, I read an article about a man who has Asperger's living in England, who committed suicide after calling for help four times to the crisis hotline. It left me in a position to understand how vulnerable one can be when the struggle to express what you feel is a problem. Not everyone can do that. As an individual who lives with Asperger's, I cannot even think how many times I have tried to express myself to resources that if there was any problem, any misunderstanding, or any time I told how I felt when things were unknown that lead to many times where I was left feeling empty or in despair.

I feel so terrible that it lead to many times where I have lashed out to people who I love and care for and it sickens me that I have been put into predicaments that have harmful consequences. No matter how much I try to express this, no one seems to believe me. And I think it would be best for me to try and address it. I want to apologize to those who I have wronged because of it. And I want people to know that I am more afraid of them, then they ever will be of me.

I am not a bad person. I do not have any desire to hurt anyone or myself. I just want to try and make right what happened, move on, and set an example for preventing a horrible travesty such as a suicide.